Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
