We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
