you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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