420 ftw
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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