Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
