I'm so fucking centered right now
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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