About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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