It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
