Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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