hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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