After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
