I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
