Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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