How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
