I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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