Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
