i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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