So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
