i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
