Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Less talking, more tequila
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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