i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
