Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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