Soap is not a condiment
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
