I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
