One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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