You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
