So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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