Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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