on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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