I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
