Sacagawea was the original milf.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
