The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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