Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
