Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
