apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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