I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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