Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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