i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
