I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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