are you so shy because you have an std?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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