Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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