I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
