i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
