erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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