If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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