I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Houston, we have a squirter
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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