lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
