With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
