ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
