ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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