what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We had sex on a dog bed..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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