How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
