instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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