I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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