I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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