I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
