Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
