Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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