So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she peed on how many people?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
