Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
