Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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