i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize