ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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